Changes

So there's a whole new life I'm getting into... After a couple (or maybe a couple more) exhausting months -exhaustion coming from self-pressure more than anything else, even studying-, I finally made it. I graduated in both majors, and I'm feeling quite lost. I thought I would be happy, free... Liberated.

And I do. But I also feel like I'm starting to fall into some kind of loop that drags me into my very much feared lazyness... Maybe it's not lazyness. It could also be that I'm terrified by the idea of failure. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm such a coward... and it's all caused by this terror, I am so scared that I might just fail at what I aim to that I don't dare to fight, or if I fight I don't do it strong enough, hard enough.

The only exception has been this fucking career. Some years back, I would have sworn that I was going to give up, but I just didn't! That DOES feel good. Someone told me that they were proud of me for that, and I only wanted to cry... (I'm crying so much about good things these months... That must be good). So maybe this means I'm starting to get over my confidence issues? That would be even better. Let's just hope for that. Or even more useful: let's WORK on that. If there is one thing I've learnt from the impossibly repeated speeches I've heard from my dad, is that work's the key to everything.

So there's that...


And now, I'm gonna try to concentrate on this little break in my life. I should be enjoying it, this is once in a lifetime. And in this weird times...

Outside my window... Fall is definitely here. It really is cold: I am enjoying curling up under my comforter and in the mornings you can feel that wintery smell... which I definitely love!

I am thinking... Sometimes it feels like life is just passing me by.

I am thankful for... My friends. There's no way anybody has better frinds than mine.

From the kitchen... The last thing I cooked was a plain and simple roasted chicken. Anyway, people told me it was good (I beat my friend Angie in a chicken competition ;)!!)!

I am wearing... A flowered night gown! Ana would be so proud of me! Hahahah

I am reading... so much!! I missed that soooo bad!! I've read Maldito Karma, by David Safier and La sal de la vida, by Anna Gavalda since I took my last exam (almost three weeks ago). They were both ok, not very good, not bad. Entertaining. Now I'm reading Five quarters of the orange, by Joanne Harris. I'm not really hooked on it yet, but I want to give it a try because Paloma recommended it, and we have veeery similar taste in books and movies... (We both know we are soulmates!! Soul sisters!!)

I am hearing... I am still listening to Brandon (went to his concert in La Riviera the 9th Oct and fell soooo in love with him... I should be getting in a more Kings of Leon mood, since I already bought the tickets to their Dec 1st show!! Woooo!!

Pondering these words... "No es más rico el que menos tiene, sino el que menos necesita"

A few plans for the rest of the week... Go see Chillida's exhibition in the Retiro and Testino's at the Thyssen (where I've never been, by the way); do some administrative law paper for Natalia; try to make a five week french course in Paris happen; meet some people for orientation meetings... Basically, see if I canfind some light at the end of this tunnel. Pretty exciting!!


PD: I feel so much better whe I write in English. It seems like I can express my feelings more accurately this way... And I also find it a lot less cheesy...